Twitter Weekly Updates for 2008-12-26

  • In the end, I think it all just comes down to badass, cyborg wienermobile. http://tinyurl.com/5bd77k #
  • No more handholding you through other wiener-dog stuff, kids. Just go on and follow @ECTOPLASMOSIS! already. You’re old enough now. #
  • It’d be much easier to follow them if I posted the right link to their Twitter, huh? I bet it would. @ectomo #
  • Michael McDonald vampire is even better than wiener dogs. http://tinyurl.com/479t95 #
  • How did I manage all this Christmas traffic before I attached the cowcatcher to my car? #
  • Preparing to tell you all the most spine-chilling Christmas tale ever devised to cure even the worst sufferers of megacolon. #
  • So turn down the dimmer on your lights and put on your traditional rubber Christmas slacks, and get ready for a descent into terror. #
  • To plummet into the very worst of your merry nightmares, if you will. If you won’t then disregard this and enjoy the cake in the next room. #
  • Now that those assholes are dying of poisonous cake, the rest of us can get on with knowing the very heart of seasonal horror. Neat, huh? #
  • Okay, hold on. The EPA is on the phone, worried about irreparable damage to the earth that all the unleashed horror would cause. #
  • A bit saddened and somewhat offended that some of my readers would think I’d repeat the Halloween Story debacle of ’08. Come on, guys. #
  • Little Broken Timmy, a tiny, malformed reader in a wheelchair even wrote to ask if the rumors of my procrastinating on this story were true. #
  • Aghast, I told him not to listen to such ugly slander , and to put the helmet I got him back on, for he’s a monstrous thing to behold. #
  • To be honest, lil’ Tim’s in the chair BECAUSE of this story, last time I told it, so I’m having second thoughts now. Feeling bad now. #
  • @rstevens Back to My Mac worked maybe once for me on a trip to the bay area about a year ago. Friends are sick of me swearing it happened. in reply to rstevens #
  • ShortHorrorTheater:Man dressed as Santa enters house to surprise his kids only to find them half eaten as the real Santa rushes out the door #
  • I keep trying to crawl through strangers’ windows with a dirty garbage bag full of presents but nobody wants me in. What am I doing wrong? #
  • Am I using the wrong style of ‘Christmas Brick’ to announce my impending flop through the shattered window or something? #
  • Does this mean I can expect a bucket of pig’s blood being dropped on my head at the ceremony? http://shortyawards.com/user/JhonenV #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2008-12-19

  • Saturday! I’m crayzehh with my Final Cut Pro and my cup of tea. All those internet rumors about me being an insane rockstar are true! #
  • No…I’m not kidding. I AM a rockstar. The rumors ARE true. I’m on stage right now, as a matter of fact, covering The Final Countdown. #
  • You, with the short hair and the backpack full of Xbox live gamerpoint certificates…wait for me in my dressing room/janitor’s room. #
  • You, with the mop and bonesaw. Get in the dressing room and clean up what’s left of my last visitor. My work here is done. #
  • It’s the meowing that finally elevates this above the lesser things in creation: http://tinyurl.com/6mn9xj #
  • Looking for a customer service number to call on the ‘Golden Compass’ dvd to ask how I can get those thousand hours of my life back. #
  • As is my routine, I was thrown out of bed by an invisible force, hovered before the computer as it powered up on it’s own, and got to work. #
  • The invisible force also scrambles my awareness of the proper use of “its” and “its”, insidious as it is. #
  • See? I did it again?! It’s all falling apart! #
  • I hope the one follower that responds only to correct spelling mistakes is a bot. Imagine CHOOSING to exist exclusively like that. #
  • Okay, assignments for the day. You there, I want you and your team to man the perimeter and draw the lightning away from me while I work. #
  • Actually away from my pain station and heading to an early Benjamin Button screening. Fincher’s doing a Q&A. Then back home for tears. #
  • @rstevens Man, I remember seeing tetris when it was playing the clubs. in reply to rstevens #
  • Happiness levels took a serious hit just now when I realized that it’s a basketball and not a gigantic hamburger in Shaq’s twitter icon. #
  • Finally, a jelly-handed, uncanny valley monster that reads weather reports and cries when you grab its breasts: http://tinyurl.com/557vkr #
  • Proof of re-printed and slightly revised old JTHM shirt. and that @zoetica was probably doing laundry that day. http://tinyurl.com/5e3sdw #
  • @zoetica I’m the guy that decides what gets played in EVERY office during the holidays. You got a problem with my choices? Huh? in reply to zoetica #
  • Ladies and gents, a new Mindspill post for your perusal: http://tinyurl.com/46vdct #
  • Tell me I’m not alone in my weakness for buying these wee iPhone games every other minute. Hydro Tilt, 7Cities TD, Dropship, Fieldrunners.. #
  • Imangi, Quordy, Trism, Wurdle…good god…someone stop me. Why doesn’t Dr. Awesome stop me? #
  • Bothered by my choice of consumer merchandise? Go back to your PS3vs360, DSvsPSP, COKEvsPEPSI flame wars or just get a fuckin’ life, kids. #
  • I don’t really care what the game is playing on so long as I can play. I’ve run MAME on digital camera viewfinder just to get my fix. #
  • I once ran Genecyst from a cancer-ridden child’s respirator just because it had been ten minutes since I last fought Death Adder. #
  • @rstevens I have all of those, my friend. ALL OF THEM. I need more, understand? Something is wrong with me. Why aren’t you helping?! in reply to rstevens #
  • You haven’t really played Shadow of the Beast until you’ve run it from CCS64 from a limbless T-100 cyborg’s OS, using the eye as a screen. #
  • @warrenellis Did the trick of detailing why you hate everything they produce work for you? It seems to be the way my meetings go. in reply to warrenellis #
  • @warrenellis First thing I do in a meeting with execs is to furiously overturn their desk, like Jesus with the television moneylenders. in reply to warrenellis #

Vectorizing the past.


A few months back SLG  let me know that they were going to be re-printing an old JTHM shirt that was initially put out something around ten thousand years ago, back when I had a corporeal state and still had love in my flesh-heart.  Normally, when they call, I scream something about leaving me alone before throwing the phone against the wall, swiping madly at the air around the now shattered plastic like a fearful caveman at a solar eclipse, but in this case I figured something new was called for.
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