Sketchbook Horror Theater

 

Years of practice folks,

Years of practice folks,

Because so many of you loved that last post involving my sketchbook delving and named your children “Jhonen’s Sketchbook Post” or got married with a “Jhonen’s Sketchbook” themed wedding, I figured I’d share another one with you, you lucky monsters you.

Here we have one that predates the “It Came From the House of Pies” critter, a thing that is not mattress man, contrary to what you might be reading in the papers.  I think people just mistook my signing off with “that’s that, mattress man” as a label for the drawing itself, but people, as they so often are, are just plain wrong and generally unattractive.  Upon finishing that last article I think I just had Punch Drunk Love on my mind, and it seeped into the post is all.  

However, similar to the pie thing, this one comes from my many sessions drawing with others sessions at restaurants.  I can’t be sure, but this one might actually be from House of Pies as well.  Hmm…based on the effect that place has on my drawings, I think it’d be wise to GO THERE ALL THE TIME.  That’s right, jerks!

Anyhow, J.R. was the partner in crime for this one as well, and as you can see, the results are just beautiful.  I’d draw with other people more often, but everyone else is pretty much done living, opting to actually “eat” instead of immortalize our incredibly bad artistic directions.  Either way, the story behind this one is pretty plain to see.  In fact, I’m just going to shut up and let you bask in the glory.  

Like before, just click on it to head over to read the notes, for you commentary freaks.

It Came From the House of Pies.

 

 

You're born, you eat pie, and then you die.

I’m gonna level with ya – I haven’t really been drawing as much as I’d like to for awhile now, getting caught up in writing or doing video editing instead.  It’s not cool, I know, and it’s probably your fault in some way, but that’s not a thing I want to get hung up on, yeah?  

It’s not like I fear I’ll get worse at drawing if I don’t keep it going continually, but you sure as hell don’t get better when you’re not doing it at all.  Actually, that’s not really true…sometimes I’ll sit down at my drum set after a few months of just using it to hang stuff on and find that I don’t suck quite AS much as I did when last I wailed on the thing.  Still, you don’t want to neglect a thing for too long when you remember it’s actually fun so why the hell aren’t you doing it?

This is the story of how I decided to have a bit of fun while using Adobe Illustrator for a thing I don’t often use it for:  Actually drawing in.  I’d tell you to buckle up for the ride but I’ve already driven railroad spikes through your crotches like in Serpent and the Rainbow, and whole you’re screaming like Bill Pullman with a cock full of iron I’m pushing you into the fascinating hell that is the creation of ‘It Came from the House of Pies’.

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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-02-13

  • I hit on women with a sketch I did of them bleeding to death, explaining “This is what happens if you don’t come with me.” God, I’m lonely. #
  • @rstevens My Roomba snapped a sweeper bit while choking on Goomba toy that fell on the floor. I hope your Roomba god is out there. in reply to rstevens #
  • Some movies, like Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, should be released simultaneously with their RiffTrax counterpart. So much more watchable #
  • @robertpopper Audio Hijack works for me. http://tinyurl.com/6km4h in reply to robertpopper #
  • Got my tea, my David Attenborough docs in the bg (he’s hassling some birds), and my Final Cut Pro open. No sleep til..well…final cut. #
  • I want you all to channel your hopes and dreams towards my completing the sound editing on this thing today. Also, give me all your money. #
  • The first hopes and dreams are starting to trickle in, and I’m beginning to regret my request. Collectively, they smell of human sewage. #
  • Update: It is human sewage. #
  • @cunch I feed only on dark mater pies, shit out of the infinite void, baked in the heartless vacuum of unfeeling horror. Thanks though. in reply to cunch #
  • @cunch Oh. Did I mention that I only eat dark matter pies made with crusts shat out by ZORGOS OF THE UNDYING NOTHINGNESS? Yeah. in reply to cunch #
  • @cunch Yeah. Why? is that weird? You’re making me paranoid about eating things shat forth from the howling pitch. Stop it. in reply to cunch #
  • No, I was not at the New York Comicon. #
  • Not this year. Not in human form, anyhow. #
  • I’ll tell you what I’m working on so long as it all fits within Twitter’s restrictive single post word-count limits. Okay..here goes. It’s #
  • Ah well. #
  • Still one of my favorite, revoltingly sad boss fights in all of gamedom. You kill him out of disgusted sympathy: http://tinyurl.com/bmhykd #
  • 3:29. Done with Soundtrack file for the night. Hyper as fuck after sitting all day. I’ve launched straight up through the roof into space #
  • I leave Los Angeles in tacky, soulless flames as I explode out and upward, sipping on Genmaicha, munching a biscuit. Faster! Higher! #
  • Monstrous OCD makes me wonder if I locked my door despite the door and everything for miles being obliterated. Fuck it. To the moon! #
  • I am determined to recreate Outrun in real life. No Ferrari, but I painted a stolen Volkswagon Rabbit red with some poster paints. SWEET. #
  • I’m out on a palm tree lined road, so that’s checked off. Now, to find some blond floozie. I see one leaving an El Pollo Loco. I strike! #
  • Blond floozie with a head injury slumped comfortably in passenger seat. Magical Sound Shower on the tape deck and I’m ready to go! #
  • Bothered by the cops coming up behind me. This isn’t Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit. Don’t they understand? Blond is screaming. #
  • First long bend ahead! I start my slide, but slam into a guard rail. Why isn’t my VW Rabbit powersliding cartoonishly? It’s all so wrong. #
  • The blond is ruining the illusion by screaming for help and coughing up blood from her crushed innards. The police are firing at me now. #
  • A correction about a VW from an actual German! Thanks @heyoboy . Now SHUT THE FUCK UP, you pedantic bastard! I’m trying to drive here! #
  • Tried bouncing off a slowpoke on the curve, but lost control. Rabbit is flipping, but not at all whimsically! Oh, god…Oh sweet holy god. #
  • Sliding upside down. I’m alright, but the blond’s head is leaving a crimson streak like she’s suddenly a wet magic marker. Oh, dear god. #
  • I put on my headphones and play Splash Wave, fleeing from the burning wreckage and vapid gore. Gotta ditch the cops. #
  • Home safe, but disturbed by the fact that only one person seems to know what I’m talking about. It’s like that Thinner thing all over again #
  • @cunch Half never left the jar, emitting a worried “boop” and crashing with a dreaded BSOD, diminishing his nefarious philanthropic intent. in reply to cunch #
  • @cunch Tiny screens. in reply to cunch #
  • Could this be my final night working on this thing? I pray to the animal spirit of editing, the Final Cuttlefish Pro, that it is. #
  • One week out of warranty and my 360 has the not quite AS dreaded but still godawful E74, quarter-ring of death. Wonderful. #
  • 11 hours into broken 360. The Wii tries to cheer me up by making cookies, but accidentally gets trapped in the oven. The PS3 just stares. #
  • Wii is recovering in it’s usual place, stuffed under a cabinet. The PS3 has generated a hot apple pie from nothingness to mask the smell. #
  • The Wii, muffled, cries, begging me to play yet another Mario Kart, or something where Mario eats a sandwich part 8. PS3 goes for a smoke. #
  • PS3 comes back in, its cold shark eyes shining. “Want I should cut him?” it says, gesturing with a knife towards the Wii. I think on it. #
  • Even the DS pipes in with “Fuck that voice-chatless gimp!”, taking a tiny/huge crap for emphasis. PSP covers it’s mouth and nose. #
  • The room is silenced by an ancient, phlegmy voice, obviously drunk. “Shut the FUCK up. I’m playing California Games, you CUNTS.” #
  • It’s my Atari Lynx, the original, huge one, rattling around in the box that has been its tomb for ages. #
  • Recalling how much more faithful the Lynx version of Ninja Gaiden was than that NES one, I ask everyone to please just settle down. #
  • @vacant_stare I was a goddamned wizard with the surfing portion. Not so hot at the rest. in reply to vacant_stare #
  • @enicolle That’s one of the systems I never had! I envied my friend’s possession of R-type until I got it for the Master System. in reply to enicolle #
  • Never owned a Neo Geo, Virtual Boy, Wonder Swan, N-Gage, Jaguar, Turbo Express, or Game Gear Either. I DID have a Nomad, though. #
  • Nomad was for the sole purpose of playing Ghouls’ n’ Ghosts, and Sub Terrania on the go for the 5 minutes the batteries lasted. #
  • @enicolle You should have google info on whether or not Abobos live in your neighborhood before moving there. in reply to enicolle #
  • @enicolle Because I left the “ed” off of Googled there, I want you to read that last message in a caveman voice, alright? in reply to enicolle #
  • @enicolle Psst. Just don’t stand on the same 2-dimensional plane as Abobo, man. He won’t be able to hit you! in reply to enicolle #
  • I’m getting better at reaching through the glass of your windows without breaking it. No worries, though. #
  • Not able, yet, to pull anyone back through without their faces smashing the glass to pieces, however, ruining the coolness factor. #
  • Sometimes, when pulling my arm back out, it’s like pulling my arm out of a sleeve, leaving a hollow copy of my arm on the other side. #
  • Copy arms fill up with flesh and bone to immediately hide and act as spies. Not quite a fly on the wall, just about as useful. #
  • Alright, 5000 followers now. Is that enough to change the world yet? No? Goddammit. #
  • Life’s Real Time Strategy, kids. Sorry to say that some of you are cannon fodder for a first assault. A sorta Zerg Rush, if you will. #
  • We’ve enough creep to build upon now, and there’s no sense letting all our forces go to waste. #
  • @michaelk42 I’ll never have that broad, “cat wearing things” appeal. That’s the harsh truth. in reply to michaelk42 #
  • @enicolle Oh…SHIT, Batman. Prepare to know the face of the god of bad awesome. in reply to enicolle #
  • Brainstorming some uniforms for the lot of you. The “zerglings” need not worry about them, as you’ll be so much mulch soon anyhow. #
  • Currently brushing up on the ol’ Illustrator skills by inking a truly terrible hybrid drawing that I did with @cunch #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-02-06

  • I was crying in the tub, like I always do, when my 360 baked me a BLUE velvet cake to cheer me up. It’s not even the elite model. #
  • My 360 left me a pile of last night’s kills at the foot of my bed. #
  • Felt the Wii was feeling neglected, so I took it for a walk. It got its head caught in a bear trap and shit itself. #
  • @emmastory It’s like you’re living in a terribly boring first-person shooter. in reply to emmastory #
  • This is only for my enemies. The rest of you stay away. http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=45869 #
  • The Wii tried making me a sandwich and lit itself on fire. I put it out, but it slipped in the water and took out a bunch of dishes. #
  • Tried cheering it up by reminding it how great SMGalaxy was, but it just kept crying, screaming something about Carnival Games. #
  • Throughout all this, my PS3 silently observes, it’s obsidian mass attracting prehistoric apes, filling them with the spark to evolve. #
  • Strapping a zapper collar to hurt me for every improper use of “it’s”. My 360 is kind enough to not correct me. It knows I know. #
  • PS3 having a glass of wine, sitting by the window, lost in its own thoughts, folding genes all the while. The Wii has wet itself. #
  • Whoever is hatching all those tanker bug eggs in Savage Moon, please stop. Just stop already. #
  • I’m getting on in years, and my dream of being a plus-size runway model is getting more and more remote. #
  • Thanks to your kind, supportive words I am now enormous and living my dream. You guys rock and I’m going to eat you. #
  • I’ve eaten through a good deal of you bastards, but more of you keep joining, and I’m starting to get really sick. #
  • I am an abomination of flesh now, moving as a liquid across the land, absorbing all, joylessly. My scrawny frame a distant memory. #
  • I know the minds of each of my victims as they are dissolved, horrified by how many identify way too much with anime characters. Geezus. #
  • Writing up last minute stuff for a meeting in the morning, but R-Type Dimensions is up on Xbox Live. Oh, cruel timing and such. #
  • And no, I’m not back to normal. I now cover the entirety of the Earth, dig? #
  • Hey…forget what I said that one time, yeah? I was drunk on fermented Craisins and needed to take it out on someone with your kinda face. #
  • My dream of getting into video games is held back by that gypsy curse that kills any designers I speak with. #
  • Ran over the gypsy’s daughter while receiving a blow while driving. Later on I replaced Peter Weller as Murphy in the Robocop series. #
  • Although blowjobs in cars seems like the golden years compared to awful robot-ninja and Nancy Allen mushed into body armor. #
  • Still, baking a copy of Carnival Games into a pie and getting someone to eat it hasn’t broken my game designer curse. #
  • @cunch I made 400 accounts and am following you on every single one of them. I’m also staring into your windows. All of them. All. in reply to cunch #

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-01-30

  • Though I maintain a casual pace, houses crumble as though being bulldozed when I push through them, easy as a hand through sand. #
  • So far no living casualties, but I’m concerned about that old lady on her Rascal about to intersect with my path. #
  • No time to mourn for the old woman, the woman whose flesh and bone came apart like soggy bologna as I walked through her. I press on. #
  • @cunch That’s my kind of girl, one that painfully vomits out her own landscape. in reply to cunch #
  • You’re pretty much no one if you haven’t watched ‘The Bad Seed’, recently or at all. Hilarious. Also, I can’t stand the shirts you wear. #
  • Noticed a ‘CurseUearthboy’ on the opposing team in Call of Duty 4, recently. Imagining them in a gaudy GIR shirt made murdering them easier #
  • Though 99% of you are strangers to me, I’d just like to say I appreciate those of you with humor enough not to respond like @alliemarie #
  • One wonders how these types actually follow my nonsense to begin with if they don’t understand what it is I do and how. Theories? Anyone?! #
  • This one in particular seems to think I am making those awful clothes myself and making a buck off of them at my awesome garage sales. #
  • I love that image though: Me at my LOOM and sewing machine, angrily making neon garbage that pays my rent somehow. Weeping intermittently. #
  • On a related note: Saw two discarded purple condoms in two completely disparate parts of the city. This means something. #
  • @brendaboo No no. I am always pissing ON them, Brendoo, but not out of spite. It’s a medical condition and you’re cruel to laugh about it. in reply to brendaboo #
  • Everyone follow @cunch. She fucks My Little Ponies. #
  • I’ve learned, the hard way, that life’s problems can’t be solved the way Dig Dug does it. It’s so much more awful and mentally scarring. #
  • Wiped that pump clean of fingerprints, buried it, and walked away to, hopefully, a cleaner solution to my worries. #
  • It is hard, going through all those motions, trying to emulate life without a murder-pump, “reasoning” with people verbally. It’s rough. #
  • Suffering the infinitesimal indignities of vast in their variety and scale of one who goes through life pumpless. How do you all do this?? #
  • suffering an extraneous “of” as well. It’s unbearable. The pump…it calls to me from its grave. #
  • One hand covering my eyes in shame, the other fingering at my weird, smurf-looking costume. Like a telltale heart, the pump calls out. #
  • In a diner, listening to two girls talk about shoes for an hour now. This is it. This is how it ends. I excuse myself to the restroom. #
  • “You gonna do this?” I say to my tired face in the dirty mirror. One minute later, I step out, pump in hand, ready to DIG DUG the joint up #
  • Left and right the people pop. It’s a cartoon massacre, but with very real consequences. “You’re dig’s been DUG.” I say. One guy groans. #
  • I catch my use of “you’re” in the wrong way, but it’s too late, some anal bastard corrects me. They get pumped into oblivion like the rest. #
  • The cops are called, but it’s too late, I vanish underneath it all. SUBTERRANEAN. I wait like charlie under the soil. #
  • They follow into my labyrinth, watching their partners get crushed by stones, and still they follow. I dig deeper, dig? I’m amazing. #
  • Goon Tower, people. Goon Tower. http://tinyurl.com/da4mor #
  • Huh. My 360 is actually playing an internet radio station url from my itunes playlist. Who knew? #
  • Huh. My 360’s sprinkling cheese on my pasta. Where the hell is this in the documentation? #
  • Huhh…My 360’s sharpening a popsicle stick and asking me who my enemies are. #
  • My 360 is sitting on my legs, making sure I don’t hurt myself in case of a seizure. #