Category Archives: fine things

BEHIND THE WONDERS!

It’s been awhile since I’ve opened up the ol’ cellar door and let you awful, cruelly formed things out for a bit of exercise and stimulation, so I thought I’d make this occasion extra special and give you a little inside look into how I create some of the wonders you might have spied up through the cracks in the floorboards while fighting for your survival amongst the other ravenous horrors down there with ya!

You’re only up out of that stinking hell, what, once every month or so, so I could either feed you, or tell you a little bit about how that album cover I did for MC Frontalot came about.  I could tell by the frenzied look in your eye, a look often mistaken for insanity brought on by starvation bordering on the cessation of all your life functions, you would settle for nothing less than even the tiniest bit of background on how that album cover got made, so that’s what you’ll get!
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Help a kid live out his comics dream before he dies of old age.

Don’t change the channel!

I know you want to, because that’s the natural instinct when the screen suddenly shows you some sad-faced kid with flies all over him and you’re wondering why the hell the kid’s not even swatting at them when they’re clearly walking across his eyes and going into his nostrils. Even as you wonder this you’re reaching for the remote because you want to be entertained and watching kids host fly-cons with their heads is not your kind of entertainment at all for some reason.

But wait!

This is about entertainment, and revenge, and murder (not really, but how awesome would that be?)

If you’ve been following me on Twitter lately you’ll notice I’ve been retweeting Aaron Alexovich’s frantic screams for help in getting his comic submission to Zuda Comics to be the ultimate champion this month. As far as I can tell, the winner of this battle of the comics gets enough money to not worry about snacks for several weeks and they continue their comic to complete the story for you guys to read, love and emulate with comedically disastrous results.

I would love to see you end up on the news, explaining through gritted teeth to the reporters why you chopped your arm off like in the comic before you pass out from blood loss, but this just won’t happen if Aaron and illustrator Drew Rausch aren’t allowed to bring the comic to completion.  If they lose, they’ll just end up old men telling stories of how it would have ended to disinterested younger folks who have better shit to do than to listen to two obviously broken old men long past their vital days.  That’s just too sad and just the thought of it makes me laugh but it also makes me sad.

A little about Aaron, so as to help you sympathize and think of him as an actual human being, making it easier for you to do your part and help him win and make that creepy face he makes when he is feeling some approximation of happiness:

Aaron was the character designer on INVADER ZIM and drew some of the most horrifying children and aliens I had ever seen.  Despite that, I think it would be cool to see him win.

Check out some of Aaron’s work on ZIM.

Frankenchokey, famed ZIM cereal mascot

Voting’s almost over with for the month, and the comic, Eldritch, has been neck and neck with another quality entry, so it’s been pretty tense, with both comic entries trading 1st and 2nd place slots seemingly every week!  Voting results are updated weekly, so even though Eldritch is #1 at the moment, the votes for the competition have been surging behind the scenes, so here’s what you can do if you haven’t done so already.

Click on this banner, register to vote (I know, but t goes quickly), then vote, and be sure to rate and fav the comic.  If you have ANY friends, or people that just do what you say because they’ve no real minds of their own, get them to do the same until there is nobody left on the planet who has not voted.  It’s that easy, and you’d actually be helping determine the future of a comic book project, and quite possibly the very future of the human race.

ELDRITCH

So why do I give a shit, personally?  Well, I wouldn’t say it’s because one comic is better than the other, really.  Let’s just say that, with Aaron coming into the prize money that he’d get from winning this thing, he’d be a pretty sweet target for a mugging, and I could use the cash.

Like I said, it’s super close right now, and they need your help!

FOR THE CAUSE!

INVADER ZIM Fact #30

ZIM Facts, say your peace, for the reaper is giving you the bloody eye.

You’re not a kid anymore, INVADER ZIM Facts!  You’d better shape up and get your priorities straight because it’s not all fun and games now, you hear?  No more galavanting around and thinking you’ve got forever to leave your mark.  You see the dark at the end of this tunnel you just thought went on forever and ever now, don’t you?  I know you do.  There’s just one more day of this left, so I hope you have your affairs in order before I take you out behind the shed and put you down with the ol’ shotgun.  That’s right, just like we did Grampa.

But you’re here for today, and isn’t today, right now for that matter, this very moment all that we truly ever have?  Live for this moment, try not to think about the horrific nothingness of the void that awaits in so little time, the empty dread of having your being dissolve into zero, and then that which isn’t even zero, for even zero is something, and you shall simply be nothing.

Forget I said that.  You just try to have fun, yeah?  Good.

Wow.  30.  How about that?  Did you ever think we’d get this far?  I sure didn’t.  I’m walking around looking over my shoulder every couple of seconds, wondering when some of the people featured in these entries will decide I’ve said too much, and try to take me down, or when a rift in space-time will open up like an angry, white-hot anus in the very fabric of things, and shit out a time-traveling toddler bent on revenge.
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INVADER ZIM Fact #29

Future-Baby, huh? More like Future-LIE-by, am I right?!

This shall be the twenty-nineiest post of all, no doubt about it.

I’ve been thinking about Future-Baby a lot since yesterday, probably same as you.  So here’s this person writing from the distant future, born just days prior to where we are in the present, and yet he’s still going by “Future-Baby”?  Does that add up to you?  Are they still a baby, and if so, do you refer to someone as a baby decades after they were born?  Is adulthood determined entirely by the condition of one’s body, is baby-status based on the same criteria as that?  I’d posit that one could look baby-like long after they were born, trapped in a body that, physically, appeared to be a baby’s body, but that that person’s experiences would change them into something that wasn’t infantile at all.

Future-Baby wrote me a very non-baby-like letter.  Babies don’t write letters, right?  So what’s this person’s deal?  To identify yourself as being from the future from the point of view of the person you are addressing in the past is one thing, because that’s kind of cool and fucks with your head in a pretty neat way, but then to say you’re also a baby?  That’s just playing your hand in such a way as to let the reader in on how messed up you are inside.  Future-Baby, indeed.
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INVADER ZIM Fact #27

Really no  time for a post at all today.  Some weird shit going down with this guy and the Rikki interview tape.  A lot of trouble I’m going through, just to give you guys something that sounds boring as hell by the descriptions of it.  Still, I have to drive out to the middle of nowhere to get the tape in person, because the guy apparently has never heard of copying and uploading stuff.

So, yeah, I’m on my way out of here in just a sec, but I have just enough time to maybe drop a wee fact on you for today.

WEE FACT:

Frank Conniff did not like what I revealed about his abilities and is now pounding on my door.  He has possessed the body of a grizzly bear and is trying to get into my house.  I have shot him ten times and all that does is make him angrier.

I am so sorry for everything I have ever done.

Oh, god…oh god the wall is coming down!

I have