Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-03-27

  • Router must’ve been plugged into internet from an alternate reality where teaming up with 3 strangers on LIVE for some Nazi Zombies was fun. #
  • Making a helmet that fires scorpions into the face of everyone online with only imagination enough to write “I’m bored.” It’s orange. #
  • Helmet also has a switch for people that sign up for twitter and then immediately write about how stupid they think twitter is. #
  • The helmet drops off a 75 mob in Twittlazan, right by that area where the lobster tries to sell you some Rolos. #
  • @cunch I love that show. in reply to cunch #
  • @staceywatson Screaming into the darkness, indeed. Now fill a sack with Mimobots and leave them at the meeting place. I mean it. in reply to staceywatson #
  • @3liza I swore I wouldn’t pull off another heist, woman. Sure that cop had it comin’, but the kid? The kid didn’t have to die like that. in reply to 3liza #
  • Old news, but a new review and actually a pretty fine take on Jellyfist. It’s like I’m respectable, even: http://tinyurl.com/cax5zp #
  • @staceywatson That hurts my various feelings. I hope it was something amazing, at least. in reply to staceywatson #
  • @staceywatson Now I really want to know the story there. This sounds both amusing and infuriating. in reply to staceywatson #
  • I am afraid I am Duddits, guys. I…Duddits. #
  • Alright, Elaine, 100 more of you since yesterday. Last hundred are off boiler room duty. New Elaines grab a shovel and get to work. #
  • @rstevens I did. I did this while wearing my clothes three sizes too small for me, driving around on top of an R/C clown car. in reply to rstevens #
  • Inking some artwork to be auctioned off for Australian fire relief. Bring your wallets, you cheap jerks. I’m a humanitarian, see? #
  • @Venusbacchus Actually, the kids in the basement are the ones doing the artwork. I just beat and berate them until it’s done. in reply to Venusbacchus #
  • I dunno…there’s a lot of pressure on me for being maybe the nicest guy ever to exist. It’s not easy being like this. I can’t help it. #
  • I punch a guy in the face out of anger and, later, he finds that his facial cancer has been cured. Too nice, man. #
  • I slammed a baby against a tree, and out popped the Corn Nut I didn’t know it was choking on. Mother hugged me. A parade was held. Gah! #
  • I really wish they had left this scene in in ‘Babe: Pig in the City’ – http://tinyurl.com/c8jkyq #
  • Should I land safely, I’ll go from 15 hours of terror in the sky to sadness over the prospect of 2 weeks of paying for internet access. #
  • Just making sure before I take off tonight: Are emergency jetpacks standard on international flights yet? They are, right? Right? #
  • En route to airport. Hope the fact that I am mostly plutonium doesn’t slow me down at security. #
  • As a fine, cultured, traveler of worlds, I will settle for only the deepest, veiniest thrombosis. #
  • Plutonium was a problem. Security said it was too badass. I nodded solemly in agreement. #
  • Hate flying, and Seth Brundle’s too busy eating jam to perfect the telepods. Always the jam. #
  • Agreed to emergency exit seat. Was asked if I was a capable sort. Punched a hole through the wall as proof. There was applause. #
  • Apparently sleeping pills have no affect on me besides making me angrier. #
  • I am in internet hell, Elaine! Data caps, time limits, and expensive. I truly have gone beyond Thunderdome. #
  • I’ll try to update QuestionSleep as much as possible with very factual posts about my visit here. Expect lots of griping…and NUDITY. #
  • Someone give me a lift to Hanging Rock. I’ve got to see some wormholes about some Victorian era schoolgirls. #
  • Felt like an intruder in this strange place where I have no associations. Those girls eating churros on Lygon St were like aliens to me. #
  • What interesting stuff is there to do here if you’re not a big drinker and don’t like mad, bloody sex with slutty kangaroos? #
  • Without my consoles, I can only text with them back and forth from here, and Nazi Zombies via text is just a bit too old school for me. #
  • Wii messaged me, and apparently it got locked outside of the house and is being chewed on by the neighbor’s filthy, feral infant. #
  • PS3′s myspace has been updated with P.O.V photos, it’s hands visibly bloodied, slaughtered family in the bg. I should not have left. #
  • Australia: DAY ONE – http://tinyurl.com/clcucv #
  • Day two of game console withdrawal. A black ooze is seeping form my pores. Losing vital gamer-juice. #
  • Learned that the Australian accent, unlike the cleaned up for American tv version, is more like the shrill screech of an enraged barn owl. #
  • Wait…scratch that. Seems I was talking to a barn owl. Sorry, Australians. #